The sun will warm your skin.

Hello everyone!!!! 
I just wanted to share a few thoughts on my mind. 
 I've been home from my mission for a little over 6 months now, and what a ride it's been.  These last months have been some of the hardest months, and yet now I feel like I am in a good place. I'm HAPPY.

I came home from my mission thinking "I won't have a weird transition stage, I'm excited for the next chapter of life, I'm not living in the past" etc etc... Those thoughts were mostly true, but I found that there were still some lessons coming my way... and the really good and long lasting lessons usually come at a price.  

Disappointments only follow some sort of expectation we place on our lives.  Expecting a relationship to work out, expecting that we will be able to get a job, expecting ourselves to be able to jump in and find friends fast are a few things we might envision for ourselves when we come home.   Sometimes we are pleasantly surprised, as I was to have a great job offered to me from President Toombs.  Such a blessing.  But sometimes, we are disappointed when those expectations and hopes don't happen. (I realize some of my expectations weren't realistic, and people are people! Ya have to roll with it) 

I won't go into details, but after a few times of letting my heart be vulnerable, and then being hurt, I was just a little lost.  Looking around me I saw all my friends were married, having kids, or well on their way of being married.  I was.... well.... lonely.  I was in choir surrounded by great people, and yet spent most of time feeling so misunderstood. I worked really hard in school to manage the workload I had there and decided I was just going to be "dating" my textbooks that semester.  Too bad they aren't that good of company.  

With that premise, I want to share what I learned from those months:

*When I served others I ALWAYS felt better, because I forgot myself.  

*There is beauty in experiencing opposition. It's ok to have days when you don't feel very happy. Being honest with myself on how I was feeling was one way to feel understood at least by one person, me. 

*In this struggle I got to understand a little more of what the Savior felt in His life.  He was One who knew what it was like to be misunderstood by others around Him. And yet He loved the most, and was the kindest soul to live on the Earth. 

*It's all too easy to make people think I was happy from your instagram posts. I have to resist that urge to get validation of my life from how many likes my picture gets. It's hollow. I had to seek validation from the Lord instead.

*Comparison is the thief of joy.  What is right for someone's life doesn't mean it is right for my life right now.  I have incredible friends and roommates who were always willing to listen. I had to remind myself to stop being ungrateful for what I had because I could only see what I didn't have. 

*There are four seasons in nature, and seasons in our life.  Why complain about the winter when you can be grateful for the moisture that will prepare the world for a beautiful spring and summer?  I just decided that this was just a season of my life that I needed to appreciate.  

*I would rather be alone with my dignity, than want to be with someone who doesn't see me for who I am. 

*In loving myself and recognizing good in myself I was then welcoming others to see good too. 

 *My roommate Liz shared this thought with me: 
"Imagine you are in a valley right before sunrise.  It is chilly, and you have almost made it through the night.  Faith is knowing that the sun will rise even though you can't see it yet.  Hope is being grateful and excited for the sun to warm your skin. You know and hope that it will be good. So good."  

  Ultimately, what was needed the past 6 months was more hope and faith.  Faith in an adoring Heavenly Father who was acutely aware of my struggles and who was eager to bless in unexpected ways as He shaped this experience for my greatest benefit.  Faith that He had a plan for me, even if I still have no idea what that plan is.  And the hope that it will be wonderful. I am really really grateful for where I'm at now in my mind and heart; the sun is warming my skin, and it feels good. So good. 

From me to you, 
Kinzie Lou

Lessons learning: Perfectionism

I call this.... lessons learned.... and lessons still being learned.

Perfectionism.

First off, for those who know me, you know that I'm not speaking on this from the outside looking in.... I struggle with this, but I want to share what I am learning about it.

In LDS culture we feel a need to be perfect.  We need to be skinny, strong, beautiful, a good baker, pinteresty (it's a thing), crafty, involved, musical, successful, the list goes on and on....

 In the Gospel of Jesus Christ we know that we are to "be ye therefore perfect, even as my Father in Heaven is perfect".... there we have it.. Be perfect.

 But whose definition of perfect are we living by? God's?  or the world's?  And to top it off, the footnote for the word perfect in Matt 5:48  is "complete, finished, fully developed.".... beautiful.

The whole test of this life is choice.  What are we choosing?  Are we choosing to strive and struggle and make mistakes and use the Atonement and honestly do all we can to be more like Christ? Then our Heavenly Father is so pleased, regardless of the time table.

There was a talk in the ensign that really changed my life. Become Perfect in Christ  It says that sometimes we equate being perfect with never making a mistake... (umm.... guilty as charged....) But I now realize if I never made a mistake I would never need to change... I would never need to rely on Chirst. And then I would have no real deep and lasting relationship with Him.  It says in the talk "we can gratefully accept, as God's sons and daughters, that we are His greatest handiwork even though we are still a work in progress."  Perfection will never be reached until we are resurrected... we literally will never be fully perfect in this life.  But we can just add more light and goodness and compassion as we go.

I need to let go. Let go of holding myself to unreal expectations.... Frustration comes from unmet expectations.  I want to shoot high and strive for the best obviously, but just embrace my flaws with gratitude that I'm alive.  What makes me imperfect makes me beautiful.  Let go of not fully living and loving for fear of making a mistake. Let go and let God. When I do that I will (in time... a long time...) become perfect.

From me to you, Kinzie Lou

This is the testimony that is in me.

Hello Everyone!

Greetings from it-started-snowing-and-wouldn't-stop-snowing-glitter-snow-all-weekend-it-was-celebrating-my-departure-Colorado!

I can't believe it.  My last week as a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints... until I put in my papers again. haha... I'm not sure mama Sheri would stand for that.  I LOVE BEING A MISSIONARY! I feel like Alma... wishing I could be an angel spreading the gospel forever...

The work is going great, and I'm a happy camper. I feel just happy knowing I tried my best and I've finally realized that our best does not equal perfect. Sometimes I think it has to for me... but I'm repenting of that.

I am so grateful for the chance I've had to serve the Lord and come to know Him in a very real way.  Here are some wonderful things that I learned for myself on my mission.

*it's not all about me.

*The Savior lives and is still playing an active role in my life.

*God loves me and is perfectly patient.. even with my impatience. Amazing.

*Repentance is simply letting go anything that separates us from God, and replacing it with good.

*Jesus Christ is the perfect gentleman and will never steal our sins or trials or pains from us, He will only take them if we give them to Him. So do it!

*The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is God's organization that offers us Christ's full Gospel and Atonement because of the Priesthood.

*The Priesthood is REAL.

*The Holy Ghost speaks to us in our own language if we will just ask, and listen.

*We can ALWAYS change. It is the purpose of the Gospel.

*Sharing the Gospel brings the utmost joy.

*Open communication solves every problem in relationships. that and the Atonement.

*Thomas S. Monsen is in fact a living prophet of God.

*Joseph Smith was not only a good and honorable man, who was human and made small mistakes in his life, but he was the humble servant chosen by God to restore the Gospel to this earth. He did in fact see God and he did in fact give us access to Christ's saving ordinances again in these days.

*It is happier to choose to be happy than unhappy.

*Jesus Christ will walk with us, hand in hand if we let Him.

*Angels are very real and are all around us.

*Repentance is the key to happiness

*there is no growth in the comfort zone and it's not comfortable in the growth zone

*The Book of Mormon is still my favorite book, and is unquestionably straight from God. There is no other option.

*I LOVE BEING A MISSIONARY!

I love you all. Thank you for your love and support and letters and emails and prayers... and wow that was the worst grammatically written sentence ever! Thank you for reading and putting up with my ranting. 

I love you, and I love my Savior with my whole soul. I'm going to continue living for Him and His work, just in a different way. We all can. I invite you to think about all of the things that you are grateful for, and promise God one thing you are going to strive to do til the end of the year to be more consecrated to Him.  He will help you and bless you.

Onward and Onward and Onward Christian Soldiers!

From me to you, Sister Kinzie Lou

pics

some of my best friends on the mish at my final zone conference

me and our investigator Makenna. love her!

Reverently and Meekly Now

Hello Everyone! 

Greetings from out-of-nowhere-an-arctic-wind-straight-from-Canada-arrived-to-usher-in-winter-Colorado! 

Our warm and sunny parade just got rained on... sadly.  But I can't complain, I've been so spoiled! 

It has been a great week! I can't believe how fast it has been going!!!   Next week will be my last email home.... hmmm I had better think of something profound to say...

This week I've been able to have great conversations with people and we've been able to clear up A LOT of misconceptions... and just bear testimony of the Book of Mormon. I'm trying really hard to make that my legacy that I leave. I want everyone in Parker that I talk to know that I love the Book of Mormon and know that it is from God.  My testimony of it is etched into my soul.... when everything gets hard I will always refer back to that testimony. I'm grateful for that gift God has given me... I realize that a testimony is a gift from God.  We have to work for it... study, pray, apply, live, experiment, talk about it, and pray some more.... but that is a gift that God is very eager to give us. He just wants to make sure we truly desire it because He won't give us something we aren't ready for that we are then held accountable. He is very merciful that way... but when we show real intent then He is ready to give. 

I'm so grateful for reasonable people in my life.  My companion has been so great at helping me see the good and positive and to not listen to the voices of doubt and worry and regret that Satan is trying to plant in my head to make me sad.  I know that I'm not perfect. I have a pretty perfect knowledge of that fact.  But I'm so grateful that because of Christ's love, I can change. 

I've been studying about meekness as of late.  Jesus Christ is the epitome of meekness... as with every other good attribute.  In Moroni 7 it teaches us that faith and hope and charity come from having a meek and lowly heart.  Well what is meekness? I often just interchanged it with humility, but that's not entirely accurate.  Meekness is being teachable, patient in suffering, good, kind, submissive, and humble.  More important question is HOW do we become meek?  Many of you would probably agree that submissive is NOT one of the words that would be in my dictionary entry.  In Ulysses S. Soares talk "Meek and Lowly of Heart" he teaches us how. 

1st) pray for the gift of meekness. 

2nd) control our temper.... how do we react when we don't get our way? 

3rd) take it one day at a time... it is a process. Be a little better each day

4th) be humble... seek God's will and recognize His hand.. trust Him

5th) always look to the example of the Savior.  How could he possibly forgive and treat with kindness those who scourged Him and crucified Him? He was Meekness personified... Pure love. 

Why is meekness so important?  Because after the Savior's Atonement fulfilled the law of sacrifice (yes folks, we don't sacrifice lambs anymore... thankfully) Christ taught us that now what we are to sacrifice is a broken heart and a contrite spirit.... that is synonymous for being meek and lowly of heart.  Be kind. Be good. Trust God. Be patient. Love others. That is what I will be striving to do a better job at. 

I invite you all to reflect and think about the state of your heart. Are you meek? Are you full of love? Are you quick to anger? Are you quick to be proud and defensive?  We can all change.. together. 

I love my Savior.  He is so patient with us. He helps us become more like Him. If we didn't help us with His grace, there would be NO way we could do it.  He is pulling with us. 

I love you all!!! Thank you for all your love and support. You are the best. 

Onward Christian Soldiers!

From me to you, Sister Kinzie Lou

ridiculous picture:

they made me sit in a chair, and they pretended to "kill" me.... oh the weirdness of missionaries. 

It is well with my soul -

Hello Everyone! 
Greetings from it-was-the-first-snow-of-the-winter-and-it-already-melted-away-oh-how-I-love-it-Colorado!   I've been so blessed to have had such a warm fall... I've only worn boots 3 times this fall season. awesome. 

We had a fun Halloween party on Saturday... a Soup and Spook. I got to be a judge of the chili and soup cookoff... tough job, let me tell ya.  haha. it was fun! 

On Halloween day, for some strange reason all of the crows in the Denver metro area wanted to be where I was. 1) i don't like birds in general 2) crows are my LEAST favorite of the species 3) HOW DID THEY KNOW IT WAS HALLOWEEN? #socreepy  It was slightly terrifying. 

The lessons with the Foreign exchange students are going well! I love them all so much!!!!  the 3 girls love us...It's so neat to be a part of their lives in a small way.

I love the investigators we teach. Robert and Diana are AMAZING! They are close friends with a member family (which is how we started teaching them) but they are just getting closer to baptism every lesson. I love them!  

You all know that I've been an open book in my emails, and I don't try to cover up if I've had a hard week... Missions are hard.  We feel a small part of the rejection and heart ache prophets, and even the Savior felt during His mission (a very small part thankfully)... but I'm so grateful for my companion talking sense into me. I was just wanting the last transfer to be the best... miraculous... accomplishing all that God wanted me to accomplish (or what I thought He wanted me to do) 
She lovingly called me to repentance and just told me to let it go. So I did. I let go of my righteous desires and my bad desires too. I gave them all to the Savior and told the Lord that it's His mission and not mine. This is His work and not mine. I would love to see conversion, but maybe He is wanting to see refinement in His daughter. I was wanting to be a difference maker, but maybe God wanted me to be here so a difference could be made in me. I know that I'm learning so much about how to be an effective member missionary so that I will be able to CONTINUE sharing the Gospel in the Lord's way all my life. When I had a change of perspective, and when I repented and really said "Thy will be done... and I'm ok that I don't understand thy will all of the time" I literally felt the burden lifted from my shoulders. Christ was just waiting for me to give it to Him so He could take it while respecting my agency.... It was an amazing experience. 

I love my Savior so much.  He is the best of all best friends we could have.  In the Hymn book if often uses the word friend, but is sure to capitalize it.  He is my kind wise Heavenly Friend... so true. 

Sometimes God lets us struggle and face opposition even when what we want is a RIGHTEOUS DESIRE! He is the perfect investor, because He has perfect patience. Sometimes He is able to hold off in blessing us with what we WANT and what will make us immediately HAPPY for giving us what is BEST for our GROWTH AND DEVELOPMENT AND lasting JOY. I'm glad He is smarter than me, even though I like getting my way too often.  

My invitation to you this week is to have a conversation with the Lord.  He knows what you want, but I invite you to offer up all the desires of your heart and then hand it over. Trust Him. Do the best you can and have faith that He is the High Priest of Good things to Come.  

I love you all. I miss you! I can't believe that in 3 weeks I'll be home... In the meantime I'll cherish every day here in Denver. 

Onward Christian Soldiers!

From me to you, Sister Kinzie Lou  

pics... happy halloween!

He Lives to Wipe Away My Tears

Hello Everyone! 

Greetings from I'm-so-happy-that-the-weather-has-stayed-this-lovely-and-there-hasn't-been-a-single-sign-of-snow-Colorado!! 

Yep... I'm spoiled... I'm so grateful. 

This week has been an interesting week to say the least, but I always come back to my mission motto "There's no growth in the comfort zone, and it's not comfortable in the growth zone".... why am I so right?  ha ha.  I'm very grateful that God loves me enough to give me one more growth zone before I get sent back to all of you.  I want His image to be in my countenance, and I know that that process sometimes has to be painful.... I don't want to kick against the pricks anymore, but to willingly let the Savior change me. With whatever process He chooses to use.. 

Wow... I was going to give a completely different spiritual thought but then I read Sister Brown's weekly email in which she completely answered my prayers.  As I come to the close of my mission, with the knowledge and understanding that I have now, I sometimes wish I could go back and redo, or I worry if I haven't accomplished the miracles God wanted me to accomplish... I hear stories from other missionaries and they seem to end in "and 2 weeks later they were baptized"... and then I wonder if I haven't done what I should have done.... but I realize that God didn't send me here to serve a perfect mission. He sent me here to learn and grow. He sent me here to work miracles, yes, but those miracles come in many different shapes and sizes. For some missionaries, those are hosts of people dressed in which entering a baptismal font (and I have been very blessed to witness a few myself) but maybe a miracle is answering the prayer of a member and letting them know God was thinking about them, maybe it was coming to serve someone who was at the end of the rope and exhausted.... God has many ways that He shows His love, and His tender mercies are real. I am a witness of that. I'm grateful that He has allowed me to be a means of someone receiving a tender mercy, and I'm also very thankful that He has sent many my way too.  My invitation to you this week is to pray to be an answer to someone's prayer every day this week... follow through with the promptings you get, especially if they don't make sense. The Spirit rarely prompts us to do something convenient or in our comfort zone... or else we would already be doing it, right?  So let's all be the means of a tender mercy this week!

I love you all so much. I am so grateful for my mission. I'm so grateful for my Savior. I know that He lives, and that He loves me and perfectly understands me.  I know that He wipes away my tears... even if they are silly irrational tears. He cares so much about us. 

Onward Christian Soldiers!

From me to you, Sister Kinzie Lou

STAND IN THE GAP!

Hello Everyone! 

Greetings from i'm-continually-amazed-at-how-much-people-like-to-decorate-for-Halloween-here-it-is-borderline-terrifying-Colorado! 

These Coloradans are hilarious.... 

What a week.... Sister B and I are adjusting to being companions, but all is well. I'm so grateful for all of the different companions I was able to have on my mission. I learned something new from every single one.... God is soo in charge of this work and just shapes us and molds us if we let him!  It's wonderful.

We have been led to AMAZING people.  We went to an address on the ward directory, but the family had moved. Who lived there now?? A woman who was watching BYU tv at that very moment, who had so many Mormon friends growing up.  She let us in for a drink of water and after talking with her for a good 15 minutes, she wants to meet with us. AMAZING!!!!!  Heavenly Father has been so good to me... sometimes I can't even express how happy and grateful I am. 

The next member finding principle I want to share with you is about the need to stand in the gap. 

Matthew 22:37-40 teaches us that the first commandment is to love God, and the second is to love our neighbor. God loves His children perfectly.  Just like a parent sending a kid to college or even on a mission, that parent prays that someone will be there to watch out for their child and love them while they can't.  It is the same with us. God wants us to reach out and love and support and help our brothers and sisters because that is a means of Him answering prayers said and unsaid.  There is such a need to reach out and stand in the gap for people... a gap is something that separates. Maybe a gap is sadness, loss of job, loss of loved one, misunderstanding, confusion, worry, questions.... we who have the gospel can love our friends and stand in the gap for them and help them when they need it most. We should seek to have friends of all faiths, not as a means to an end, but as an end in itself. We can be so enriched by gaining more understanding of others' beliefs, and then if they ever have a gap, we can stand in and be a good friend who helps them as they are away from home.

My invitation to you all is to seek one way to expand your circle of friends this week.  Be a little more friendly, invite an acquaintance to something in which you can become a friend.  As we love our neighbors, and love God, and love the Gospel the light we have will be a blessing to everyone around us.

I know that God does know every single one of His children, and He loves them. Even those that don't love Him back.  He is ever ready to show us that love if we'll just turn to Him. 

I love you all.... I can't believe that in 5 weeks time I'll be back... bugging ya... not from a distance. haha. I'm still praying for you!  

Onward Christian Soldiers!

From me to you, Sister Kinzie Lou